Lifebooks
 One of
the important things we can do for our children is create a 'lifebook'.
It is also one of the most difficult things we must do. In preparing
for this article I read a variety of resources on lifebooks and
discovered that a lifebook is not just a scrapbook - it is much
more. In her book, Lifebooks Creating a Treasure for the Adopted
Child, Beth O'Malley says "A Lifebook is a collection
of words, photos, graphics, artwork and memorabilia that creates
a life record for a child who was adopted. It is a simple, truthful
story written through a child's eyes." She goes on to say "It
is a unique opportunity for parents to honor every minute of
their children's lives."
As I reread the many emails about lifebooks that I've saved over
the last almost 4 years most of them talked about the adoption
experience through the parents' eyes, discussed pictures from
the trip, and tried to determine what kind of album to use. Many
writers stressed that they wanted the lifebook to be a happy story
and spare their children any pain. The piece that was always missing
was discussion on life before adoption, and when and how to tell
the total truth (presented developmentally of course). Most of
us don't have much information, but we can't deny that our children
had lives before they entered our lives.
O'Malley provides some excellent reasons for being open from
the start (in a child friendly way):
- It never gets easier. The longer you wait, the worse it feels.
- You run the risk of someone else telling your child the 'secret'.
- Your child picks up on your guilt.
- By sharing all the facts early on, it means that you never
jeopardize your child's trust in you.
Vera Fahlberg, in A Child's Journey Through Placement
says that a lifebook always:
- Starts at the child's birth
- Mentions the birthmother and birthfather
- Describes reasons why the child was adopted
Cindy Probst, in Adoption Lifebook: A Bridge to Your Child's
Beginnings says that parents often wonder:
- Is it all right to tell her she was abandoned?
- Do I need to talk about her birth parents? If so, how?
- Can I stretch the truth or leave out painful truths?
- What can I say when I know so little?
A final thought - a lifebook is the child's story.
Two books which are wonderful resources:
Adoption Lifebook: A Bridge to Your Child's Beginnings
by Cindy Probst (http://www.lifebooksource.com)
Lifebooks Creating a Treasure for the Adopted Child
by Beth O'Malley (http://www.adoptionlifebooks.com)
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